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Captain Coloccini’s Mandolin

Posted on July 8th, 2011 | 49 Comments |

Fabricio Coloccini appointed as Newcastle United captain for 2011/2012.
New skipper, same haircut.
Fabricio Coloccini gets the captain’s armband at Newcastle United for the 2011/2012 season.

I would like to mention at the outset that this post has nothing to do with mandolins, which are musical instruments of the lute family. I could talk at length about their origins from the lute and the mandore but I won’t because to my tone deafness they just sound like out of tune guitars. No indeed, no mandolins here – that’s merely what’s known in the trade as a ‘jaunty headline’ (by an idiot writer).

So, to the story. Coloccini has been officially announced as the Newcastle United captain and said:

I am thrilled to be named captain of Newcastle United. It is one of the proudest moments of my career.

Leading the team out in front of our supporters in our first game against Arsenal will be a great honour for me and I aim to give my best for the team and the supporters throughout the season.

I would also like to than Alan Pardew for putting his faith in me. It means so much to me.

So this is good news in the sense that it must surely mean that Colo isn’t going anywhere this summer, about which there were a few rumblings in the press a while back. We’d look pretty stupid if we gave the captaincy to someone who then left.

The other main candidates for the job were probably Joey Barton and Steven Taylor, although Barton seemed unlikely to get the armband without a renewed contract and after having stuck his tongue out at Ashley via various social media outlets.

It’s an appointment I’m reasonably happy with – assuming he can cope with the native team language of French – and I would guess most fans feel similarly. He seemed the most logical choice in the circumstances.

Alan Pardew – who allegedly chose next season’s captain by lining them all up and rating their haircuts out of 10* – commented thusly:

I had no hesitation in choosing Fabricio to be my captain next season.

He will lead the team in a different manner to Kevin but his professionalism, attitude, application and fantastic character made him the standout candidate and, in my mind, the 100 per cent right decision.

Full ahead warp factor six Captain Colo.

* No he didnt. Ed.

NUFCBlog Author: Hugh de Payen I'm a baby-boomer of the punk rock persuasion, currently exiled in Somerset for crimes committed in a previous life where locals keep trying to poison me with something called 'scrumpy'. Hates sprouts, coat-hangers, Cilla Black, ornaments, Steven Seagull movies and 50 Cent (he's not worth 10). Hugh de Payen has written 634 articles on this blog.

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49 Responses

  1. Not a natural leader like Barton and Nolan these two would find you out if you where being a pussy and kick your backside into gear.
    Really like Collo but no leadership qualities that I can see….you need hardmen that players will fight for.
    Collo nice bloke….maybe just to nice.

  2. This was done by the club today to avert attention from the 35m that has seen the sleepy fans start to wake up.

  3. I think he,ll b a good captain,, good choice by pards, ( can’t believe iv just praised ap) but he,s still a twat

  4. Well would have earlier preffered either of the other two candidates for various reasons, but have to say Colocinni has been the ultimate professional since his arrival, kept his head down and gave his all for the side
    And it appears he is genuinely happy to assume the role.
    What more can we ask for?

  5. Smart move by Ashley because by making him captain you add an extra million to his resale value. Next summer he’ll have 1 year left on his contract and Ashley will make a tidy profit which he can reinvest into sports direct.

  6. i believe in all walks of life that you should be led by example. He is teh best example of a defenderthat we have by a long way. Players will give him their respect. – apart from joey B – who shows no bugger respect (he’s just a scouser knob really)

  7. Coloccini great choice of captain, well deserved!

    sirjasontoon

    Please just shut it, you irritate me!!

  8. he was captain at deportiva la coruna,so he’s had the role before.i thought he would get it,i thought the only thing that would stop him would be he grasp on the engligh language.the fans love him,i think it’s a good choice,and a natural progression for him.

  9. Good choice…he will lead by example!

    SirJason said
    July 8th, 2011 at 12:16 pm
    This was done by the club today to avert attention from the 35m that has seen the sleepy fans start to wake up.

    Jesus…give it a rest. Why does everything have to a sinister motives?

  10. The cynical is the easiest option…its the behaviour of lazy people, people who don’t have the inclination or intelligence or both to rationally & objectively assess a particular situation or issue…

  11. witters
    And pedantic statements are usually the result of insecurity combined with arrogance.

  12. That are then followed by dismissive & undermining comments that are disguised by ‘humour’ to hide ones inability to have a reasoned debate.

    The next step is verbally abusive comments ;-)

    Have a good afternoon lads…I’m on my way back to Newcastle for the weekend.

  13. You off out on the lash with Partridge and Owl Heed down the Quayside?
    Sorry I forgot in these austere times I guess it’s a game of bingo in Byker eh?

  14. Haven’t ‘done’ the £35m (to death).
    We haven’t done ‘pointed stick’ though.

    ‘We love you Colo, you can shag the …’
    ‘We want curly hair too’.

  15. Do one about the need to sign Lionel Messi, maybe then we can gauge if he has spy’s looking at the blog :-)

  16. :)
    Top plan jimbob.

    Or cryogenically preserving Pedro ’til such time as he can be cloned?
    ;)

  17. Why stop there?

    Create a hybrid, mixing Pedro’s DNA with Andy Carroll.

    Probably come out looking like Clarence Acuna.

    :-)

  18. cyrogenically preserve perdro?would it be possible to build a tank that shape?lol.walt disney couldn’t draw the shape of pedro.

  19. i’m not liking the picture of collicini,at the head of this article.he reminds me of “calibos” from the 1981 version of “clash of the titans”.

  20. You’d probably get a really skillful charva with a bad hair don’t.
    :)

    Eeeesh!

  21. The £35m gets mentioned on Toonsys blog, then it crashes.Ashley has more power than we thought.Perhaps he as also been hacking Toonsys phone.

  22. Just in case this blog will crash don’t under any circumstances mention the £35m .Doh

  23. Routledge has gone (or rumoured to be agreed at least) to Forest for 2m. Any news on whether McGugan will come the other way in a deal??

  24. 37M spare now Mick if Routledge goes for £2M

    BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  25. Just checked Newsnow and Toonsy’s headline is “Proof! Ashley IS taking his money back!” and now the site is blanked !

    Alas poor Toonsy I knew him well :)

    (TBH I dont know him at all just wonder if the Cyber Police have nobbled him on his way back from the chippy :)

  26. To those giving sirjasontoon a tongue lashing… remember, the first thing dictatorships do is lower the expectations of the masses, so that scraps of food or acts of political leniency are perceived as mighty benevolent gestures by an all giving, venerable leader. (Ashley the leader – clapping seal supporters being the masses, in case you needed it pointing out).

    Captain-wise, Collo is the only option left. Who else is even guaranteed a starting slot apart from tiote? (too young and hot headed), and Enrique (a gonner).
    must spell C U R T A I N S for barton though eh. Shame.

  27. Can you help? Missing! £35mil. Last seen on January 31st in the tyneside area. Any info. please contact nufc for small reward.

  28. boater says:
    July 8, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    “To those giving sirjasontoon a tongue lashing… remember, the first thing dictatorships do is lower the expectations of the masses, so that scraps of food or acts of political leniency are perceived as mighty benevolent gestures by an all giving, venerable leader.”

    They also cleverly ‘divide and rule’ boater ;-)

  29. Boater I have a sneaky feeling a rather large portion is in Aspers Tills…..hope the reward is last seasons puma kit woop woop !

  30. boater says:

    “To those giving sirjasontoon a tongue lashing… remember, the first thing dictatorships do is lower the expectations of the masses, so that scraps of food or acts of political leniency are perceived as mighty benevolent gestures by an all giving, venerable leader”

    (Ashley the leader – clapping seal supporters being the masses, in case you needed it pointing out)”

    Thats what I love about the Toon :) Shlte managers, shlte owners yet top class, witty and humorous fans.

    There’ll always be a Toon Army but there won’t always be a Fatman or Lamearse :)

    PS BTW boater I think you spelled “venereal” wrong

  31. AndyMac says:
    July 8, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    “TBH I dont know him at all just wonder if the Cyber Police have nobbled him on his way back from the chippy”

    It was close, real close, but fortunately they set about me with Dunlop baseball bats which fell apart at the first strike :lol:

  32. All joking aside, my thoughts as I read the news were the same as boaters. Who else could the captaincy gone to? The only real alternative imo is Harper and I don’t think he will be a regular starter in the team, Collo is the obvious choice. I don’t see the nefarious factor as a factor.

    As the last comment prior to me was at 10.41, I’ll look at the blog again in the morning, looks like everyone is having an early night. Lots of promises out there lads? :)

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