Ashley for England!
Posted on June 4th, 2012 | 25 Comments |
Now that the Newcastle Evening Chronicle has had it’s “Mike Ashley is a lovable cuddly owner and doesn’t eat babies after all” week, and everybody swallowed it (aye right!) I suppose it’s safe to have the odd Mike Ashley story on this venerable blog? Woah! Who hoyed that rotten tomato??
Mikey’s company, S_____ D_____ (hereafter referred to as “SD” or there’ll be lines all over the place!) is reported by The Scotsman to be in the hunt to buy the Umbro brand – wot makes the kit for the Ingerland team. The brand is currently owned by US Company, Nike (the one with the big “tick”), who bought it for £285M in 2008.
Now correct me if I’m wrong here, but I would have thought that any brand associated with Ingerland would have to be carefully marketed. Y’know, the same way they do with the footy team, tell everybody it’s top notch when really it’s crap. It’s amazing how many people swallow that rubbish every time a big tournament comes along LOL! But if anybody can market the brand, Mikey can. Luckily, Umbro is also associated with other, more notable (and successful) organisations like Glasgow Rangers, Livingston, Manchester City and the mighty Republic of Ireland – the best national team in the British Isles, but then I’m biased!
So why are Nike (the one with the big “tick”) selling Umbro? Well, according to the company, it wants to increase it’s focus on it’s core brand (that’s “Nike” to you and me), and “faster growing labels such as Converse” – who??? Strangely enough, that other big brand out there on the market, Adidas, are also tightening their belt in the face of these austere times for capitalism. But not SD who just seem to grow and grow. Speaking of tightening belts by the way, has anyone seen the new, sylph-like figure that is Mikey these days? Well done that man for getting in shape, a shadow of his former self! Must be handy when you need a new wardrobe and just happen to own a clothing company!
Now that this blog has finally said something nice about you, get out there and buy us some really good players Mikey-boy!
SD owned a 30% share in Umbro before it was sold to Nike, and also owns the Lonsdale and Slazenger brands. Mikey is the executive Deputy Chairman of SD and doesn’t get paid a wage as such, but gets bucketloads of cash in the form of share dividends – this year alone he looks likely to pick up a cool £23M – hey Mikey! That would buy a canny centre half and right back eh? :)
Anyroadup, when I used to go into SD shops – in the early days before the treatment handed out to United legend and one of my personal heroes, Sir Kevin Keegan, they always seemed totally disorganised to me, as if the “made in China” clothes had just been tipped straight out of the shipping container and stacked willy-nilly anywhere there was a space. Are they still like that? They also never seemed to have sizes that fitted “big” lads like me 8) Anyway, I’ve decided to make money writing dieting books. I’m told they’ll appeal to a very wide audience (did you see what I did there?).
I don’t go in SD shops these days of course, I’m a “Cotton Traders” XXXL modern man (22.5% Jubilee discounts end on Tuesday by the way – and no, I’m not being paid anything for that obvious plug) :)
Anyway, back to the Evening Chronicle. Are they doing “Derek Llambias is misunderstood” next week? Next to an advert for “shudda gone to Specsavers” maybe? What d’you think?