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Archive for tag: Alan Shearer.

Shearer still wants Toon job but is not holding is breath.

October 17th, 2009 | 27 Comments |

No Toon job this season
No Toon job this season
Alan Shearer reveals that whilst he’d take the Newcastle United manager’s job today if it was offered, he’s prepared to get on with life in the interim.

With Barry Moat’s bid – or indeed anyone else’s bid – looking less likely to succeed as time goes on, Shearer’s chances of becoming Newcastle manager this season are fading. It looks like we’re stuck with the current regime for the moment and Shearer has been reflecting on this, saying:

I can’t revolve my life around that any more because I have other things going on.”

The future Toon manager then touches on the philosophy of determinism, saying:

If it happens, it happens, and if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Whatever has happened has happened. If anything else happens then it does – I will just get on with it.”

Which seems to me to be a clever rewording of Laplace’s Demon* – deep stuff indeed from the former number 9. After that philosophical interlude, Shearer goes on to praise Hughton, saying: (more…)

Next Toon manager: Shearer v Hughton.

October 15th, 2009 | 135 Comments |

Next permanent manager?
Next permanent manager?
Nicky Butt has recently called for Chris Hughton to be made permanent manager of Newcastle United, but what are the options?

Apparently Derek Llambias will shortly be reviewing the positions of Hughton and Calderwood in light of our great start and Nicky Butt hopes that their positions are made permanent until the end of the season. Butt said:

The team is showing there is belief here, and Chris and Colin deserve the job now.

Hopefully they get it and that will mean we can all concentrate on the job in hand.

People keep looking at us and say ‘they still haven’t got a proper manager’ even though Chris is acting manager.

He’s not done anything wrong, but he hasn’t been named as boss.

So it would be nice to see Chris get the job.”

Personally I don’t want to see a manager appointed ‘for the rest of the season’ – I’d rather see someone appointed for 3-5 years. The frequent changes of manager have been one of Newcastle’s main problems and one of the reasons why we were relegated last season. We need to get away from this short-termism. (more…)

Incommunicado @ Newcastle!

October 9th, 2009 | 15 Comments |

Isn't it?
Isn't it?
Well it’s been a busy news day for Newcastle United fans today…….

Literally nothing of note to write up about except for a slightly tardy mention of Barton’s belated ‘olive branch’ to Alan Shearer, after his admission that there was a falling out. More on the story and Joey’s quotes can be found here, but frankly despite my initial support have some of his misdemeanours I think I’ve had enough of him.

Why does he have to keep admitting his mistakes and making his apologies? Because he keeps ****ing up. He has not yet offered enough on the pitch to outweigh the damage he’s done to our reputation, for acts either before we bought him or during his spell here. At times, he’s single-handedly dragged our name through the mud.

In other news, former Newcasle great (ahem) John Barnes has been sacked by Tranmere along with pal Jason McAteer. While our other favourite ex-player Michael Owen has been invited to join the England squad as a guest of Fabio Capello. Obviously he’s mixing with the right crowd these days. (more…)

“Is it a bird? Is it a plane?… no, it’s…”

October 7th, 2009 | 130 Comments |

Here to save the world!
Here to save the world!
With the air thick with takeover talk, real or imaginary, now feels like a good time to throw in a spanner, or two. It is widely acknowledged that, under impossible circumstances, Chris Hughton and his staff have done an astounding job thus far managing Newcastle United. With a pre-season filled with doom-laden mutterings of “Doing a Leeds”, crashing though the divisions and into financial meltdown….while nothing of the sort has transpired. There’s still time yet, of course, but to the untrained eye all in the garden looks rosey.

Let’s make an assumption. Let’s assume that Barry Moat’s bid goes sailing through and, within minutes, we have the mighty Alan Shearer at the helm. How do the collective feel about that? Is he a white knight riding in to save us or an egomaniac sating his need for attention, and doing us more harm in the process? As Stardust (and David Frost on ‘Through the Keyhole’ ) would say….”Let’s look at the facts”.

His managerial record:

Played 8, Won 1, Drew 2, Lost 5.

….it’s not great, it’s not even mediocre. But, is he really to be judged on eight, end-of-season, scrambled bunfights with a dispirited squad, and a ton of behind-the-scenes pressure? Arsene Wenger said, at the time of Shearer’s appointment, that any manager coming in, with 8 games left, and expected to turn things around. Well that man wouldn’t be a manager, he’d be a magician. (more…)

Shearer appointed.

October 2nd, 2009 | 14 Comments |

Sallying forth
Sallying forth
After much speculation about who will be Newcastle United’s next manager, Alan Shearer has finally been appointed

… as Deputy Lord Lieutenant of Northumberland. His job will be to stand in for the Lord Lieutenant of Northumberland – currently the Duchess of Northumberland – when she’s away slaying insurgents elsewhere.

The role of Lord Lieutenant was created by Henry VIII in a rare quiet moment between marriages and beheadings and its purpose is to command the local militia in times of emergency (such as relegation).

The appointment means he’s a representative of the Queen and will have to start saying things like “mine wanges werken me full wo“, although in the end Shearer settled for saying:

I look forward to assisting the Duchess of Northumberland in her official duties.”

The first of those duties will of course be to take command of the Toon Army when Barry Moat buys the club in a few days/weeks/months/years (delete as applicable) time.

What can I say? It’s a slow news day.